Hello to the almighty world!
It has been a very long and tiring week, perhaps month. With all the tests and the hectic timetable schedule, plus CCA, well that’s probably what most people who called it as “NO LIFE”.
&&, i didn’t even have proper sleep!! Only slept for 2 hours on wed, while trying to complete PI. Sometimes, i feel like giving up man. But the moment when i think of it, i will just reflect on those words. Those motivational words and stories. It somehow enlightens me and gives me the power to move on. To strive and to achieve that A.
Oh well, i need to even prepare myself for going home late and managing my hectic stress, yet enriching life since I’m the VP now. Hopefully, i can learn something from there. Something that can enhance my abilities and strengths, and to counter those weaknesses and pessimistic mindset of mine. Something that i can value for life.
When i don’t study or slack around for some minutes, i will feel bad and a sense of guilt about it. I can’t explain it either. I want to make sure that i can clear my promos. If not, i think my life GG already!
I have not been doing well for my studies. I think i have not really adapted to the JC mentality. Especially for all my H2s lecture Test. It was very horribly done. Each time i told myself that i will study hard, next i will tempt by shows and facebook. I think i need to quit using facebook especially. Fancy using it during tutorials, when my results are not good at all. Time to buck up. I will try to minimise using it and of course, have that discipline to stop myself from being tempted by it.
I really screwed up on Wednesday. The first solo for the year and yet i played it so horribly. It may be true that its just a combine playing. So whats the big deal? But to me, it matters a lot. It was so horribly that no words is good enough to describe it. It supposed to be much better. I know i can do much better than that. That dark, soothing tone. I felt very nervous and stressed when I’m supposed to play it in front of about 70 members for the conductor. Especially to people whom are still strangers to me. And there i go, screwing up. That was a good chance to prove my worth, and yet i wasted that opportunity just because I’m nervous. I’m not going to allow that incident to happen again for at least the next 2 years! It’s embarrassing and i feel so stupid.
Feelings that can longer be described through words. Neither actions for now. I just lacked of that initiative. As usual. There’s a saying that a leopard never change its spots. I really want to change. Because i know i can do it, and yet i can’t. The tendency of being shy and awkward. It’s inevitable. I’m longing for that day. That responsibility. That chance. That opportunity. I’m longing for that day, even though my face and words do not show it. I feel as if I’m annoying u, when i talked to u. While on the internet last night, something suddenly occurred to me. I wonder if we have drifted or not. Remembering those days when we will just spend our time on the computer talking till late in the middle of night, until u went off. It really makes me happy. Really happy, when i smiled. It was an experience as well. An experience that is so nice that i wished it happened just yesterday. Sometimes, it’s really hard to smile to you and to look at you. Don’t know why either. Intended to do so, but my muscles will often get tense. And i will feel a surge of electricity from eye contacts. Sounds dramatic and unbelievable, but that’s the fact. The fact that is from the bottom of my heart. I’m always looking forward to Chinese and Chemistry Lectures, looking forward for that smile, until when my class was shifted to LT4 for chem from this week onwards. I wish we are talking right now. I wish u will be the one who will initiate a conversation with me and make me smile for the entire day at least. Life just seems meaningless for now, though i have goals. I have already completed one. Two more to go for now. One of those two is you. Yes you, you’re the one. And u know it.
Today, basically there’s no lessons. Supposed to report to school for collage day performance at 2.30pm. But PW teacher wanted us to go come for consultation and to do research in school. Initially, he wanted us to come to school at 7.30am till 1.30pm to have PW lessons throughout. Later, after much thoughts, he told us to come at 10am instead. Yeah, so basically i was in the infinity room with my other classmates. While they were doing their research, i was facebooking and was using msn. Well, i have submitted the latest draft, my 6th draft to him, which i had done it on wed, when i spent only 2 hrs sleeping that night. Hope i get good comments from him as in case u don’t know, he usually has PMS. But well, after that, i did a little bit of research as well, in case he throw back the draft back on my face. At least i can still use it in future if there’s a need to improve it. And when the performance starts at 3pm, i think it was a BOMB. A BLAST! It was very entertaining. As an audience, i didn’t expect it to be that great. I thought it was some stupid speech day performance. It was fantastic especially the flute solo, viva la vida part and the ending part. So after the performance, my classmates and i went to play pool. Not bad. After 3 years of not playing, my skills were not bad. Can hit in 3 balls in a roll with one shot today. I think i was lucky.
I spent an hour to reflect and to post this on my blog. Sorry to my loyal silent readers for such a long post. There’s too much for me to say and think. My last words before i end – Check Out those Motivation quotes.
Winners Vs Losers
When a winner makes a mistake, he says “I was wrong”. When a loser makes a mistakes, he says “It wasn’t my fault”.
A winner works harder than a loser and has more time. A loser is always “Too Busy” to do what is necessary.
A winner goes through a problem. A loser goes around it, and never get pass it.
A winner makes commitments. A loser makes promises.
A winner says “I’m good, but not good as i ought to be”. A loser says “I’m not as bad as a lot of other people.”
A winner respects those who are superior to him and tries to learn something from them. A loser resents them who are superior to him and tries to find chinks in their amour.
A winner feels responsible for more than his jobs. A loser says “I only work here”.
A winner says “There ought to be a better way to do it”. A loser says “That’s the way its always been done here”.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS – CHOOSE TO BE A WINNER.
Don’t Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will. When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill. When the funds are low and the debts are high, and u want to smile, but you have to sigh. When care is processing, you down a bit, rest if u want, but don’t you quit.
Success is failure, turned inside out. The silver tint of the clouds of doubts. And you never can tell how close you are. It may be near, when it seems afar. So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit. It’s when things go wrong that you mustn’t give up.
Most things are difficult before they are easy. Act like you’re invincible even though you are not. Seek out people different from you to learn from them and enjoy the process.
Is music really something that wastes time and its a hopeless career? Well, i don’t think so leh. I’m intending to study it like part time after alevels. To be able to do so, i need to improve myself. Hmph!
